This is a loooooog list. I compiled it from sites all over the web, submissions from friends and others, I even added some of my own. I don't think there are any duplicates but if you find any please let me know. If you have any if your own I would like to include them as well, just send them to me. All that being said you might as well get started scrolling down and down and down and down....

You Might Be A Biker If.....
added 5/06/07
duplicates removed 5/07/07. Thanks Heylinder.

You think going 4-wheeling means your old lady has her own bike.

Your gloves don't have any fingers.

You prefer to pee outside.

Your beer preference is BEER.

You treat your leather better than your woman.

You wash your bike more than you wash yourself.

You think rock-and-roll is the only kind of music.

You think Jack Daniels is your best friend.

You ride instead of walk down the aisle.

You pass out with a beer in your hand without spilling a drop, and finish drinking it when you wake up in the morning.

Your best friends are named after animals or reptiles.

You wave at bikers even when you're in your car.

You carry a picture of your ride in your wallet.

You owned three different bikes before you ever owned a car.

You know that Marlon Brando rode a Triumph in The Wild One and not a Harley-Davidson.

You also know that it was Lee Marvin who rode the Harley in The Wild One.

Your best shoes have steel toes.

Every left shoe you own has a black spot on it from the shift lever.

You take your kids for a ride on your bike before they can walk.

You can't remember your kids' names or birthdays, but you can remember that Harley-Davidson made the Knucklehead, Panhead, Shovelhead, Evolution, and Twin Cam 88 & 96.

You can tell what kind of bugs they are by the taste.

You would rather ride your bike than any other means of transportation.

You stop to help when you see another biker broke down, regardless of what he is riding.

You relentlessly go the extra mile for causes (Abate, Fund Raisers for Kids, Hospitals, Downed Brother, etc.) you support.

You know more about your scoot than most folks do about their cars, trucks and toys in general.

You feel that being on a bike is the biggest part of your life.

You feel that you and your ride are one.

You are just a big teddybear when you're not threatened.

You have ever had a motorcycle in your living room, bedroom or kitchen.

You talk to your scoot more than to your ol' lady.

You have more dreams about those long rides than you have about that incredible babe you were with last night.

You have ever called in sick to work because the weather was perfect for a nice long ride.

You feel as much pride in your ride as you do anything else.

You will ride in any kind of weather to get to a biker event for the free BBQ and beer.

You talk, walk, eat, sleep, dream, bleed and crap bikes.

You know what DILLIGAF means.

You know your limitations and the limitations of your machine, but really don't care.

You long to roam the open road under the stars and deal with the elements as you meet them.

You'd rather walk than ride bitch.

You will ride bitch, it is riding after all, sortof.

You don't mind getting some bugs splattered across your face.

You have slept on your bedroll along side your scoot on the side of the road or at a rest stop.

You will eat greasy "carney" food, drink warm beer, use foul language to make a point, ride hard to get somewhere, listen to all the southern rock & stomp your feet to the tune and then go to bed (maybe) without a care and then get up the next day and do it all over again.

You won't allow passengers on your bike, but you'll spend an entire weekend making a seat on the bike for your cat or dog.

You keep a clock that sounds off like a motorcycle engine every hour on the hour, whether at work or at home.

Your favorite color is chrome.

You dry your bike by turning the throttle after a rainstorm.

You manually disengage the turn signal when driving your car.

You throw your leg over your favorite easy chair when you get home.

You have turned grocery shopping into an act of creativity which requires nineteen bungee cords.

You know what it's like to get a fat lip and black eye in a hail storm.

You've learned the contortionist's art of leaning back to cover your license plate when riding through intersections.

You consider sidewalks as passing lanes.

You get more upset about bug splatter on your pipes than on your shirt.

You've been know to lie in the dirt in your Sunday best to clean your white walls and spokes. (Hey, why waste money on dry cleaning when you need that new chrome air filter cover. Besides, your suit can be dusted off in about three seconds.)

Your best framed photos are of flame jobs.

You will work overtime for accessory money but not for family gifts.

You use 5W20 motor oil, both in the crankcase and on your hair.

You've been asked about your preference for chewing tobacco when it's just a few leftover bug parts stuck in your teeth.

Your wife askes you to "Check up on the baby" and you head for the garage.

You wake up on December 25th hoping that the snow has melted and find yourself wishing that Big Crosby would take his White Christmas and shove it.

You think a tachometer is far more important than a speedometer.

Your wife suggests a cruise vacation and you whip out you WhiteHorse Guides to cruising America's highways.

You wear four hundred dollars worth of leather to protect you beer belly and a two-dollar, red, paisley bandana to protect your head.

You've named your boat Knot Riding.

You define quality time as a long ride alone on your bike.

You try to lean around corners while driving your car.

Your bike gets stored in the bedroom during winter months.

You undergo symptoms of withdrawal when the bike is in the shop.

You know that a relationship is getting serious when you install passenger pegs.

You own 26 black T-shirts.

You've ever been arrested because of where you got your girlfriend roses.

You pull your bike into the motel room and use a bath towel to wipe it off.

Your best towels are not in the bathroom, they're all in the garage.

You have motorcycle parts in the dishwasher.

You consider Iron Horse deep reading.

You refer to biker magazines as "literature".

You have more pictures of your bike than your children.

Your idea of jewelry is chains and barbed wire.

You have bags of cat litter, but no cat.

You carry around a crushed beer can in case you have to park your bike on hot asphalt.

You add to the weatherman's forecast a wind chill factor of 65mph.

You think Easy Rider has held up pretty well after all these years.

When you refer to Captain America, you mean the bike and not the comic book hero.

You're only sunburned on the back of your hands and neck.

Your significant other has to climb over your bike to do the laundry in the basement.

You don't know how to do laundry, but you have four different kinds of cleaners for your bike.

Your other vehicle is a truck equipped with a motorcycle ramp.

Your three piece suit consists of leather chaps, a leather vest, and a leather jacket.

Your other suit is a rain suit.

You wake up next to your significant other and your first thought is if your bike will start.

You are currently wearing two or more articles of clothing that have a Harley-Davidson label in them.

Folks at the Harley store know you by name.

You have your own coffee cup at the Harley store.

You have ever had to borrow a helmet for your date.

You have ever left your wife at home so you would have room on the scoot for beer.

You have ever bought saddlebags so you could carry more beer.

You ever had the wife follow you in the car so she could bring even more beer!

Your wife has ever asked you to move the bike so she could see the TV better.

Taking your wife on a cruise means a putt down the interstate.

You know where Sturgis is.

You ever quit a job to go to Sturgis.

Sturgis is your dream vacation.

Your idea of a pilgrimage is Sturgis, Milwaukee, York or Daytona.

You get a big grin on your face with just the thought of Sturgis or Daytona.

You took a job to pay for the rest of your tattoo.

You use your bandana as a skull cap and a gas cap.

You wear everything leather (even your underwear!)

Every article of clothing you own has the letters "FTW" on it.

You buy your 3-year old niece a Harley Davidson t-shirt.

You take your little sister to a head shop.

You have your bike tore apart in your living room.

You think tattoos, tattoos, tattoos.

Your dog runs on his hind legs when you say "pop a wheelie".

Everything you own has Harley-Davidson on it.

You still carry a full tool kit because you remember the old days.

Your 3 year old has a chain wallet. (With phone numbers in it!).

People say you look strange in a car.

You remember the local H-D shop before it became a boutique.

Your dog likes to down a six-pack after chasing pussy ...... cats.

You carry a master link on your key chain.

You think a bad day on the road is better than a good day at work.

You have more invested in black t-shirts than your house.

You tell your spouse you want something sparkly for Christmas and he (or she) knows you mean chrome.

You go the the bike shop to decorate your new living room.

A bike rally IS your family reunion.

The oil spot you leave is your way of marking your territory.

You have ever started your BBQ with a welding torch.

Any of your children or pets are named "Harley" or "Davidson."

You own more Harley-Davidson t-shirts than underwear.

Any day you ride is a "good "day.

You stare longer at the bikes than the naked women in "Easyriders" magazine.

Your pipes are loud enough to be heard by every house in your neighborhood.

The first thing you say when you get off your bike is.."Hey, where is my beer?"

You dream of owning a Harley-Davidson dealership.

You have a frig in the garage just for beer.

You always turn your head and look every time you hear a Harley.

When you go on vacation you always visit the Harley-Davidson dealerships.

You have tools for your bike but none of them work on your wife's car.

You refer to your ride as if it had a legal name.

You have a piece of your bike that you carry with you always.

You have your other vehicle decorated with a Harley-Davidson decal.

You have more pictures of your bike than your relatives.

When people go shopping to buy you a gift, you point them to your Harley-Davidson dealer.

Every magazine you subscribe to has the word "bike" in the title.

At least one section of your house is decorated in a motorcycle motif...(garage doesn't count).

You last party had more bikes than cars.

You own more than one motorcycle.

You think "helmet hair" is a fashion statement.

Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.

You spent more more on your bike than your education.

You have more than one peanut tank lying around the house.

You know what a peanut tank is.

You wear everything leather (even your underwear!)

Your idea of jewelry is chains and barbwire.

You have your bike tore apart in your living room.

You have a friend named FROG.

You named your bike Shania.

You write articles for IRON HORSE.

You know from painful experience why your wallet does not belong in your back pocket.

You know you are a biker when it becomes apparent that your hair doesn't have a part.

You think fine art is a David Mann centerfold stapled to the wall.

You think anybody who hasn't been riding at least ten years is still a prospect.

Your scoot has a kick starter.

You call anybody who doesn't ride a citizen.

You think a motorhome is a tent and sleeping bag on a Harley.

You don't need a Harley t-shirt to look like a biker.

You just return home from a long trip and keep scootin' right past your house.

You don't care if the weather is gonna clear.

You know a HARDTAIL is not just another piece of tail you can't get.

You think Black and Orange would make nice house colors.

You won't even own a cage or truck.

You think GOD invented winter for you to wrench.

Your idea of a poodle is a small Pitbull.

You cancelled your subscription to Playboy because the pix are too boring without scoots.

Your friends have to call before coming over so you can lock up the guard dogs.

You wake up in the middle of the night worry about your scoot.

People know you're a biker even when you don't want them to.

You know how many teeth on your rear sprocket & how much torque for your head bolts.

You've had reservations at the Gray Bar Hotel!

You are thinking up biker shit for this freakin page.

You have a name like Billy 5 Speed!

Your children have an uncle named Animal, and a Godfather named Doc.

You puke off to the side of your bike, while ridin' 80 mph, just to keep up with the rest of the crew. (Kinda gross, but it can be done... just trust me on this, and get to the back of the pack first.)

Your p.j.'s have chains and spikes.

Your old lady wears a leather nightgown to bed.

You know in your heart that anyone in a cage is out to get you.

If the only muscle car you'll own is an El Camino (funny how well a softail custom fits if you drop the tailgate).

Your buddy at the muffler shop's last words were "Sure I can weld up that hole in yer tank, wait here".

That oil spot on the garage is just the bikes way of marking it's territory.

You come home and curse the God damned cagers.

You have to chant "Harley-Davidson, Vroom, Vroom" to go to sleep.

You don't go a day without wearing something that says Harley Davidson.

If the weather is too bad for riding you start your bike and sit on it in the garage.

The first thing you said after you got hit by a car "Was Where's my beer?"

You get hit by a car, break your leg in three places, then tell the nice police officer, "I'm fine, I can ride home."

You think other motorcycle manufacturers should stick to making cars or whatever it is they do.

You think it's not a really good party unless someone rides their bike into the bar and does donuts.

You dream of owning a Harley dealership.

Your garage has more square footage than your house.

Your bird can repeat "This is the Police!" with uncanny accuracy.

You have every episode of "Renegade" and/or 'Then Came Bronson" on tape.

Every time you hear a vehicle with headers you look for a Harley.

When you plan a vacation you set up time to visit the bike shops first.

The Bike ramp is a permanent part of your truck.

You have all the tools to work on every Harley ever made, but not any to work on your ol' lady's car.

It's impossible to see out of your trucks rear view mirror because of all the Harley stickers.

You have a heater in your garage so you can work on your bike when it's cold.

When people ask what you want for Christmas you take them to the Harley Store, point to the new Harley you have been drooling on and all you can say is VRrrrr, Vrrrrr, VrooOOOOOooM!!

Your girlfriends Dad surprisingly shows up where you are on his Harley, he's packing heat, he growls at you.

All the links on your web page are bike oriented.

You live in the garage with the bike(s).

You think everyone elses' bike is crap!

Your coffee table collapes under the weight of all the motorcycle magazines on it.

You ever woke up with a new tattoo and you have no idea how it got there.

You have ever thrown a party and more bikes than cars show up.

Any piece of your furniture is a bike part.

They celebrate your birthday at the Harley store.

You celebrate your birthday at the Harley store.

You have ammo on your christmas list.

Your ol' Lady has ever said "Come move this engine so I can take a bath!"

Your dad encourages you to go to the Motorcycle Mechanics' Institute instead of college.

You clean your nails with a pocket knife.

You fainted when you met Willy G.

You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.

Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You think that the Harley-Davidson plant should be one of the 7-wonders of the world.

You try to declare your bike a dependent on your income taxes.

You think anyone who doesn't ride is just ok.

After laying it down and looking at it wrecked you can't bring yourself to hit the kill switch.

You try to convince your Ol' Lady to change your anniversary date to the date you brought home the new bike.


If you have comments or suggestions please let me know.
My e-mail is fyredrake(at)gmail(dot)com.
Please make the subject "geocities page"
so I won't dump your letter as spam.

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